Moving On.

Moving forward is one of those concepts that is so much easier said than done. Especially when it’s moving on from something that you’ve invested so much of yourself in, so much time, so much effort. It’s hard to let it go and walk away from it.

I’ll admit that I’m the first person to not move on. I’m the kind of girl that will hang on to something forever and when it comes to let go of it, I go kicking and screaming. It’s never pretty, it’s never a clean break, and you can always tell because I wear my heart on my sleeve.

This kind of moving on was new to me. I’d seen people deal with it before, but I never thought I’d see the day when I’d have to do it. I always figured I’d never make that kind of mistake. Sounds crazy? Yeah, it sounds really stupid to me looking back on it now too. I guess this is part of growing up.

I was ok at first. Nothing was too bad, nothing was too hard, it wasn’t a big deal. And a week later, it struck me like, sorry for the cliché, a lightning bolt. It had happened. The one thing I had worked hard to prevent, and had not prepared for, and had been sure that I would never have to deal with because I listened to God, happened. This immediately brought on a flood of questions:

Was I wrong?

Did I hear wrong at first?

Did I just waste my time?

How could I have let this happen?

Why is this even happening if I heard from God?

And the questions would just envelope me until I was suffocating in my own thoughts, fears and anxieties, without any kind of escape from the hurt, from the betrayal, from the hardship. I felt alone. I felt misunderstood. I felt stupid. I felt ripped off. I felt like no one would ever get it, like God wasn’t talking to me, like I just made on of the biggest mistakes of my life and I ruined what God planned for me.

The fact is, you can’t do that. Everyone knows the verse in Romans 8:28 that says, “For we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Now do we really know that? I mean do we really believe that with all our hearts, minds and souls? It was a question I found myself asking. Do I honestly believe that’s true?

After wrestling, fighting and kicking against God, I believe it. I believe it with all my heart. Does this still hurt? More than anything I’ve dealt with in a long time. Will it still hurt? I’m sure it will, though God is easing that pain day by day. But do I know, beyond any doubts and unreasonable fears, that God will work everything out? Absolutely.

He is here, He is with me, I am not alone. He is my comfort, my Rock, my Father and my One True Love. Above all, He is my Savior and He loved me enough to die for me.

Psalm 94:18-19 If I say, “My foot slips,”  Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.

Isaiah 43:18-19 “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I pray that whatever you’re trying to move on from, that you’d leave it in the hands of the One who created you, loves you and will never let you go. He’s in control. He will make everything alright. Just wait, trust in Him. Be still and know that He is God, and be thankful that you are not.

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~ by aimeeacoustic3 on November 30, 2010.